It was a dark, cosy rather cold night, where more than blanket his arms were comforting me. Though the temperature was about 18 degree Celsius, my actions were directed by the heat of the moment. That moment made me feel so light, both physically and emotionally that I went into a different bubble of life. He tousled my hair a few times and then held me in his arms, cleared my face from the bangs, felt my lips gently with his index finger. He adjusted his position brought me towards him and then there was nothing except air in between us. We were as close as a pillow and a bed. Our proximity and the velocity of breaths got directly proportional. I could feel his breath racing with mine. I loved him, but never knew he loved me too. This feeling was a completely new feeling. It was my first time. I was enjoying it but did not have the courage to face it. I wanted it but at the same time was too shy for it. I was analyzing the events happening on an accrual basis. A busy mind, full of anxiety, my each body part wanted to speak up about the new things happening. There was so much traffic in me that everything that was happening was like a Whatsapp call with poor net connection. The traffic was cleared when his lips touched mine. My eyes blushed so much that they automatically withdrew themselves. The inner me was silenced. We kissed for around five minutes. I was so much comfortable with him that I slept off like a princess on his arms wrapping his big thumb with my fine little fingers.
Awkward
I ran.
I ran to reach the point of acceptance.
My thoughts were grabbing my neck from inside, choking me with its questions of acceptance.
I ran! I ran from the strength of my thoughts.
And finally I reached where I wanted to end.
“The start”.
The start is where we accept ourselves. Maybe the years that is adding on age, makes our reality adulterated, making our existence an awkward situation. And maybe that awkwardness makes us run the race of nowhere.
It is all about what we think, and there is always a start.
Let us start every day and find a new start at the end of the day..
Because life ends there, where life starts!
If you could see
We all our doing something. Something that urges us to do something else and that makes us do something and gradually it depends upon our first something that we end up with the right thing or the wrong thing. So what are we actually doing?
There is no one in this world who can actually tell where our something takes us.
We have to move, walk forward, pave our own ways and live our life.
In between all this if immaterial things start hampering your vision. Your ambitious brain starts tangling itself in its own veins. Your conscience start ignoring your soul. All you can see is a million paradoxes. What will you do?
Immaterial things are material in a long term perspective as it opens our third eye showing us a bigger and a wider range of materialistic fancies that might bring a traffic jam in the flow of our life.
It is better to experience such mess once in our life. When I was through it… I thought my “something” is the wrong doer. But let me tell you.. your “something ” is the best possible thing that can happen to you. As it is you who decide what might come next in your life. If the next scene of your life is bad, you were the one who decided it, you can correct it a million times and if it is good, then you know how to make it better and the best!
Love yourself and your decisions and surely your “right” something or your “wrong” something will lead you to a new start where you will always get a second chance!
PS: If you could see!
if emotions were a question!
I think about it, my eyes deny,
I want to know about it, my soul doesn’t even try!
If emotions were a question,
I would have asked WHY?
Emotions bring in soul to our bodies,
ohh yes!! that’s the reason we think, we smile, we frown, we cry!
but now the life has turned emotions to questions
for every feelings we ask why??
now the world has turned emotion less
all we have is people fakery dressed
it is because of the questions asked
why is our emotions being masked!
I ask myself
but I am biased
because I am not myself.
I am left behind
behind the questions I ask about my emotions
my smile is a lie, my tears a lie
all I can express is a vague try
to know myself
I have been digging around
Questions is all what I found.
I wish I could pause this world,
no more emotions,
no more questions.
All I want is to put forward my unbiased expression,
to tell you that emotions are not meant to be questioned!
note from an ugly girl
What if my eyes were smaller? What if my nose was bigger than it is? What if my skin tone goes beyond dark? What if, I go bald?
Appearance matters. Our face and our body have importance. But the question is, how far does it take us? Will it stop us from achieving? Will it hamper our growth and refrain us from success.
How will it affect us?
Being 19 now, when I am as mature as I was immature when I was 9 , when I see things through an adult’s eyes, when I actually analyse things before believing them; I came up to a conclusion about the importance of appearance in one’s life.
I take my life as a journey that has turnings. I believe that every turning has something new to teach me. And yes its about the teachings of my last turning that has brightened my path so well that also in the coldest of times, I could see well even when the fog( the immaterial fancies) covers my eyes.
When you realize that there’s nothing called fairness creme or beauty creme, no slim belts can give you a perfect body and you won’t ever have that pretty face that television shows you, all you have is genes, whose bad combinations gave you your face and body that you will have to carry all your life.
After all this realizations what do you conclude? You will find your inner self running around to find acceptance from people.
Am I ugly? Am I not pretty? After perfect liner, lipstick and other coatings; will they accept me?
The question of acceptance is phrased by the question of appearance.
I look at the mirror, where my eyes could actually see the image of itself? The reflection was more active than me. It asked me, “am I your appearance?”The real me, the alive me, ME, thought for a moment and answered “No!, you are just a reflection.”
My talk with my reflection took me to a deeper meaning, that actually gave a correct meaning to appearance.
Appearance is not about how our eyes, nose, lips or body looks . It is about how we as individuals look. An individual’s looks are defined by their value systems, morals and the amount of acceptance the individual gave to herself. No one will accept you, unless you accept yourself.
There is no universal perfect meaning for ugly or pretty. Accept yourself. Believe that the what you have, is the best and the prettiest. Respect what you have because you have the perfect eyes, nose, lips hair, face. Your body is perfect. No one can drag you down.
Everyone is beautiful. We can bring a match between what we are and what we want to be, if it is about our looks, as what we have is perfection. Respect your body as it is unique. Everyone is perfect, as perfection is what we are. Now when we know we have a pretty face and a good body ,all we have to add in ourselves is beauty element to it. The beauty element will only come if we try to improve ourselves in terms of values and morals.
If we with our perfect features come up with value systems,there will be no question of acceptance and appearance. Our appearance can be best only if we accept our appearance and then it won’t stop us from achieving anything.
**I have the perfect eyes, nose, lips , hair and body. **
P.S. Thank You 🙂
Stepping out of Oneself
Why do we have a boundary?
A boundary that limits us to ourselves.
Why can’t we come out of the “ME” world?
Why can’t we see and believe the things which are visible to us ?
Why are we running, fighting, killing our own people just to justify and prove the invisible things whose existence is not even known to us?
These questions are getting on my nerves. My nerves are actually wrapping up my body, taking away my breath and my lovely sleep.
Like WHYYYY?????
Okayyyy!! ( The repetition of letters is to basically show the intensity of my frustration. I literally have no idea about the content coming up. All I know is a million questions for which I need answers.)
When I relate things like that of world wars, ISIS, Paris attack and all such things, a white flash light covers up my head instantly and shows me a picture of OUR mother Earth.
It is so strange. We have so many things beyond us, so much of mysteries, so much of science, so much history. But we humans are stuck in between ourselves, digging out our own identity in want of things which has no meaning and existence.
Everything is so damn big, the Earth, the universe, like we are nothing except an organized piece of flesh in front of it, still we carry so much of weight in our temporary mortal bodies called EGO, PRIDE and GREED.
We fight for it, we take lives for it, we challenge nature for it and end up with nothing.
Our face, our beauty, our ego is immaterial in the reality.
Why are we materializing these things??
Why can’t we just smile, live with brotherhood and humanity?
I am still wrapped up in my nerves, I am still confused, I am still clueless about the answers.
I started writing with questions and I’ll end up asking a question.
Maybe my 18 year old brain is way too inquisitive or maybe I am just too slow…
but…
WHY CAN’T WE STEP OUT OF OURSELVES???
LO AD ING…
Facing myself
wonderous life, it seems
when you just dream
eyes closed
harsh realities aside
happiness all around…
my life, my imagination
my story,
I am the author,
I decide,
I write,
the story of my life.
but what if…
things go wrong
unlike the melody of a happy song
dark clouds everywhere
shooting its heavy drops
targeting the beautiful words of mine
fading its ink
redefining my life
what if things go wrong
against my dream.
Alas!
I am the author of my life
my mind, my thoughts are stronger than those rain drops
those drops can fade away my words
but my will, will create new stories
as it is all about the story of my life.
WHEN YOU LIVE A LIFE BETTER THAN YOUR DREAMS :D
People say ambitions, goals… shape up your life.
“If you pre-plan things your future will be smooth and trouble free.”
But the boss in me says- GO WITH THE FLOW. As the flow will end up at a better place than what you have thought off.
Our thinking, our perceptions, our aims, our ambitions limit all the best possibilities that could have happened. Why do we need to choose when life makes better choices for us?
Okaayeee… let me tell you a secret.
SsSshhHHhhh…
THE SECRET IS…
No I am not batman ( :P)
BUT there lives a batman and a badman within us. The Badman very smartly has blown up a bubble around us.
A bubble in which we are living,
A bubble that doesn’t let us see anything beyond it,
A bubble whose existence is based on premature optimizations of our over thoughtful brain.
To explore ourselves, to know our potentials, what we need to do is- BURST that bubble, clear the blockage it created, clean the messy rooms in our little head and look outside the windows of our eyes.
When you see through these windows, you’ll feel a cool refreshing breeze entering through it. This breeze will give you a 7-D view towards life. ” A Happy Life”.
A life better than your dreams.
Basically that stagnant air, blocked in that bubble hampered our vision and paths. The windows of our eyes, though opened were choked by the mist of that polluted and stagnant air.
When we are out of that bubble, all we see around is open ways. Everything is a possibility. There may be some uncertainities but every uncertainity will surely open up an opportunity.
Then,
if you are out of it,
Then what???
Just go with the flow…
P.S. Thank You!
Tale
Those lovely memories,
Those lively reminiscences,
How can I rub them off
How can I forget them,
How can I make my heart understand,
that these memories are out of my hand…
There’s so much to say,
So much to share,
But all my words are locked inside me
buried deep inside me,
I want it all out of me,
but my silence won’t allow them,
The story will remain endless
because of this increasing difference.
The silence around is pinching me,
troubling me,
But out of it,I have to come,
I have to stand this bad time,
and step out of it with those lovely, lively memories washed away
and new blooming energy directing me towards a
beginning of a NEW LIFE…
Sometimes memories are the reason why one can’t move ON.
???Life???
The usual questions, the usual answers…
If I am a person, I am surely The fusion of a sperm and an ovum..and if I am it, the others around are too.. silly right!!
Okay.. Q1)I have a father, my father too has a father, his father too had a father and his father did have a father… I mean can anyone please tell me who was the first father??..
What all is going on here is really a mess,
and my little head is a storage of mess.
Q2) What will happen if we all die?
Are we going to reach heaven or hell?do they have fairies or demons?…
Q3) Why did The creator of the Universe make me a human? Is it because I was a sinner in my previous life or is it because I did something very great?
There are a million more questions that I face day and night, this was just the main one…
If I say there was a time I actually wanted to die, just to see what will happen after death… my little head was unable to take the load of a million questions that was surrounding it… And above all Robin Sharma’s book “Who Will Cry When You Die?” Just the Title had a deep impact on me. My “inquisitive soul” wanted to know so much, that it almost convinced me to kill myself.
According to me, it wasn’t a suicide.. it was just a way of answering myself…
Yes I am alive, as I am sharing this stupid thought of mine.We all have 2 lawyers and 1 judge in us. I call them The Mayavi(My angel), The Lutapi(my demon) and the ultimate me “The Shubhi”. My judgement was to kill myself, as I found Lutapi more convincing.The argument that I faced that day is given below:-
“Death is so fascinating!You can know who you are?Kill yourself, you will find answers to all your questions in just a moment.” said Lutapi.
“No!! You have no right to take your life.There are many more ways you can find out answers to all your queries.” argued Mayavi.
“If there are many other ways Mayavi…Pl. tell us”. Lutapi said with an evil grin.
Mayavi(silence)
My inner voice shouted “Death is the only solution” DEATH DEATH DEATH…..
I roamed around like a mad person in my house to find a way to kill myself(Though the decision to die was an easy one but TO DIE was something unreasonable).
I was determined to take the shit out of me…and suddenly a beautiful dupatta caught my sight. I planned to make a noose out of it.
Everything was done. Nobody was there around me, I was alone with my lawyers in me. I thought of wearing a beautiful dress before leaving this World. I was all set to hang myself. The beautiful colorful dupatta was an appointed Yamraj of mine.so I Shubhi Sunil stood up on a chair all set to hang myself…and as expected Suddenly my Angel Mayavi shouted,” Stop!!!!”
“I have a perfect justification”. Mayavi said.
I was actually waiting for something that could change my mind.
Mayavi continued “Everybody knows the secrets of life after death but there are only few people who know all the secrets of life being alive. Don’t be the same… Explore this beautiful world!! Spread Love, Happiness, meet different humans, and talk to them…Live each moment. Death is a truth, but Life is reality. Truth will come to you one day. Wait for that day! In between this amazing life and the fascinating death you will get answers to all your questions. “Have patience! That’s all.
After listening to this my thoughts cleared up. I wanted to live…
Life after death is a mystery but Life is a reality…Knowing life after death is not important but knowing life being alive is very important.
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