A story of Sexsomnia

It was a dark, cozy rather cold night, where more than blanket his arms were comforting me. Though the temperature was about 18 degree Celsius, but my actions were directed by the heat of the moment. That moment made me feel so light, both physically and emotionally that I went into a different bubble of life. He tousled my hair a few times and then held me in his arms, cleared my face from the bangs, felt my lips gently with his index finger. He adjusted his position brought me towards him and then there was nothing except air in between us. We were as close as a pillow and a bed. Our proximity and the velocity of breaths got directly proportional. I could feel his breath racing with mine. I loved him, but never knew he loved me too. This feeling was a complete new feeling. It was my first time. I was enjoying it but did not have courage to face it. I wanted it but at the same time was too shy for it. A 20 year old will definitely have her anxiety issues about being physical. I was analyzing the events happening on an accrual basis. A busy mind, full of anxiety, my each body part wanted to speak up about the new things happening. There was so much of traffic in me that everything that was happening was like a Whatsapp call with poor net connection. The traffic was cleared when his lips touched mine. My eyes blushed so much that they automatically withdrew themselves. The inner me was silenced. We kissed for around five minutes.  I was so much comfortable with him that I slept off like a baby on his arms wrapping his big thumb with my fine little fingers.

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Awkward

I ran.

I ran to reach the point of acceptance.

My thoughts were grabbing my neck from inside, choking me with its questions of acceptance.

I ran! I ran from the strength of my thoughts.

And finally I reached where I wanted to end.

“The  start”.

The start is where we accept ourselves. Maybe the years that is adding on age, makes our reality adulterated, making our existence an awkward situation. And maybe that awkwardness makes us run the race of nowhere.

It is all about what we think, and there is always a start.

Let us start every day and find a new start at the end of the day..

Because life ends there, where life starts!

If you could see

We all our doing something. Something that urges us to do something else and that makes us do something and gradually it depends upon our first something that we end up with the right thing or the wrong thing. So what are we actually doing?

There is no one in this world who can actually tell where our something takes us.

We have to move, walk forward, pave our own ways and live our life.

In between all this if immaterial things start hampering your vision. Your ambitious brain starts tangling itself in its own veins. Your conscience start ignoring your soul. All you can see is a million paradoxes. What will you do?

Immaterial things are material in a long term perspective as it opens our third eye showing us a bigger and a wider range of materialistic fancies that might bring a traffic jam in the flow of our life.

It is better to experience such mess once in our life. When I was through it… I thought my “something” is the wrong doer. But let me tell you.. your “something ” is the best possible thing that can happen to you. As it is you who decide what might come next in your life. If the next scene of your life is bad, you were the one who decided it, you can correct it a million times and if it is good, then you know how to make it better and the best!

Love yourself and your decisions and surely your “right” something or your “wrong” something will lead you to a  new start where you will always get a second chance!

PS: If  you could see!

if emotions were a question!

I think about it, my eyes deny,

I want to know about it, my soul doesn’t even try!

If emotions were a question,

I would have asked WHY?

Emotions bring in soul to our bodies,

ohh yes!! that’s the reason we think, we smile, we frown, we cry!

but now the life has turned emotions to questions

for every feelings we ask why??

now the world has turned emotion less

all we have is people fakery dressed

it is because of the questions asked

why is our emotions being masked!

I ask myself

but I am biased

because I am not myself.

I  am left behind

behind the questions I ask about my emotions

my smile is a lie, my tears a lie

all I can express is a vague try

to know myself

I have been digging around

Questions is all what I found.

I wish I could pause this world,

no more emotions,

no more  questions.

All  I want is to put forward my unbiased expression,

to tell you that emotions are not meant to be questioned!

Stepping out of Oneself

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Why do we have a boundary?

A boundary that limits us to ourselves.

Why can’t we come out of the “ME” world?

Why can’t we see and believe the things which are visible to us ?

Why are we running, fighting, killing our own people just to justify and prove the invisible things whose existence is not even known to us?

These questions are getting on my nerves. My nerves are actually wrapping up my body, taking away my breath and my lovely sleep.

Like WHYYYY?????

Okayyyy!! ( The repetition of letters  is to basically show the intensity of my frustration. I literally have no idea about the content coming up. All I know is a million questions for which I need answers.)

When I relate things like that of world wars, ISIS, Paris attack and all such things, a white flash light covers up my head instantly and shows me a picture of OUR mother Earth.

It is so strange. We have so many things beyond us, so much of mysteries, so much of science, so much history. But we humans are stuck in  between ourselves, digging out our own identity in want of things which has no meaning and existence.

Everything is so damn big, the Earth, the universe, like we are nothing except an organized piece of flesh in front of it, still we carry so much of weight in our temporary mortal bodies called EGO, PRIDE and GREED.

 

We fight for it, we take lives for it, we challenge nature for it and end up with nothing.

Our face, our beauty, our ego is immaterial in the reality.

Why are we materializing these things??

Why can’t we just smile, live with brotherhood and humanity?

I am still wrapped up in my nerves, I am still confused, I am still clueless about the answers.

I started writing with questions and I’ll end up asking a question.

Maybe my 18 year old brain is way too inquisitive or maybe I am just too slow…

but…

WHY CAN’T WE STEP OUT OF OURSELVES???

 

 

 

 

WHEN YOU LIVE A LIFE BETTER THAN YOUR DREAMS :D

 People say ambitions, goals… shape up your life.

“If you pre-plan things your future will be smooth and trouble free.”

But the boss in me says- GO WITH THE FLOW. As the flow  will end up at a better place than what you have thought off.

Our thinking, our perceptions, our aims, our ambitions limit all the best possibilities that could have happened. Why do we need to choose when life makes better choices for us?

Okaayeee… let me tell you a secret.

SsSshhHHhhh…

THE SECRET IS…

No I  am not batman ( :P)

BUT there lives a batman and a badman within us. The Badman very smartly has blown up a bubble around us.

A bubble in which we are living,

A bubble that doesn’t let us see anything beyond it,

A bubble whose existence is based on  premature optimizations of our over thoughtful brain.

To explore ourselves, to know our potentials, what we need to do is- BURST  that  bubble, clear the blockage it created, clean the messy rooms in our little head and look outside the windows of our eyes.

When you see through these windows, you’ll feel a cool refreshing breeze entering   through it. This breeze will give you a 7-D view towards life. ” A Happy Life”.

A life better than your dreams.

Basically that stagnant air, blocked in that bubble hampered our vision and paths. The windows of our eyes, though opened were choked by the mist of that polluted and stagnant air.

When we are out of that bubble, all we see around is open ways. Everything is a possibility. There may be some uncertainities but every uncertainity will surely open up an opportunity.

Then,

if you are out of it,

Then what???

Just go with the flow…

P.S. Thank You!

Tale

love-151v

Those lovely memories,

Those lively reminiscences,

How can I rub them off

How can I forget them,

How can I make my heart understand,

that these memories are out of my hand…

There’s so much to say,

So much to share,

But all my words are locked inside me

buried deep inside me,

I want it all out of me,

but my silence won’t allow them,

The story will remain endless

because of this increasing difference.

The silence around is pinching me,

troubling me,

But out of it,I have to come,

I have to stand this bad time,

and step out of it with those lovely, lively memories washed away

and new blooming energy directing me towards a

beginning of a NEW LIFE…

Sometimes memories are the reason why one can’t move ON.